They are, apparently, catering for a new breed of customer - young and willing to include upmarket food with shouting in their idea of a good night out. You're not going to find your Michael Caines in Mezzo, or a smart foodie crowd - more likely people coming in from the edges of London for a lovely night on the town, and they were certainly having that. Very, very nice." "My cheese and onion tart with artichoke salad is very good though I have a slight reservation about the pastry, which I would prefer a little crisper," bellowed Tina. "However, the flavours are very well executed with nothing overpowering so that the lesser ones can rise to the fore. Thank you."It was, what with the jazz and the 450 seats, extraordinarily loud.

But gigantic noisy restaurants are the thing of the moment - with Belgo Centraal, the Sports Cafe and Conran's other giant haunt, Quaglino's, all seating more than 300 in the West End already and two more whoppers on the way. Although I explained that I didn't want people to feel they had to be sick, she'd insisted on ordering crab salad, salty duck egg and coriander, but unexpectedly loved it "It's sheer perfection. Sharon was feeling insecure because the last time she'd come with me to do a review her friend Tracey had stolen the limelight by being sick. My mussels were very good, served with rocket and a light tomato dressing.

"The words lobster and caviar make me feel very excited because I was born on a council estate," boasted Sharon. "Well, I went to a comprehensive school," said Tina defensively.Starters were a huge success. "Let's keep it in perspective."The menu offers a broad mix, with an emphasis on grills and seafood. "Jasper made them," said the delightful young whippersnapper "Jasper Conran? Marvellous!" we gushed "It's not silk or anything," he said, backing off nervously. "It makes me anxious because it's so large - the service will be probably bad.""Let me drape you, ma'am," murmured our charming young waiter, slipping Tina's serviette on to her lap. "Those are beautiful jackets you're wearing," flirted Sharon.

"You feel, wow, you're in somewhere really smart." "I feel under pressure from the mirrors because they're slanting in on me," muttered Tina. After nosing round the bar and the Mezzonine cafeteria - lines of blonde wood tables, two-thirds empty - we swept down the grand fin de siecle staircase to the restaurant proper. It looks rather as if the Cotton Club or a huge Parisian brasserie had found itself in the kitchenware department at the Conran Shop. Built on the site of the former Marquee club, it is a vast basement with tables for 450, bustling with waiters and dressed-up diners, reflected in huge mirrors: with jazz at the front, glamorous red banquettes round the edge and a kitchen in the corner."I'm really enjoying myself," enthused Sharon as we were led to our table. For nine minutes before I got a person. Inside, it was like arriving at the end of a gallery opening: a beautiful space and everyone in black, but all pissed and shouting. "Hel-lo! Thank-you for calling the automated answering service Press star for a list of requirements or hold".. further wait.. "Hel-lo! Thank you for calling the automated..." and so on. Such was the suction less than a week after it opened that when my friends Sharon and Tina and I arrived young people were already being kept at bay by two sturdy black guys wearing earpieces.

We, however, were waved through because we had a reservation, in itself no mean feat: "Your call is being transferred Please hold".. two-minute wait... Sir Terence Conran, however, has selflessly undertaken to hoover the young people off the streets into his giant new 750-seat emporium, Mezzo, with its patisserie/coffee bar, bakery, cafe and restaurant. SOHO is so gay these days, in the Nineties' sense, and so bursting with gorgeous young people enjoying themselves that the few remaining middle-aged men in raincoats must arrive at busty models' staircases feeling too traumatised to perform. !CAROLINE WALDEGRAVE'S DINNER-PARTY MENUMINIATURE PUFF PASTRY SHELLS (CAN BE BOUGHT) FILLED WITH PIPED MASCARPONE TOPPED WITH SALMON EGGSGOAT'S CHEESE SOUFFLS WITH WALNUT AND PARSLEY SAUCEWARM PIGEON BREAST AND CRACKED WHEAT SALADCITRUS FRUIT COMPOTE WITH SPICED CARAMELTO DRINK: Before dinner: Champagne; with first course: Brouilly (a fruity Beaujolais); with main course and dessert (and even first course): Alsace Gewurztraminer. When the sugar has dissolved, turn up the heat and boil until the melted sugar is a dark caramel colour.Remove from the heat immediately and pour in the remaining water, taking care as mixture can spit.